There is no brilliance to this post! Instead I'm in search of help. Sadly, I don't have any tips to give really because it's something I'm currently struggling with.
Right now I feel stretched thin. I have 12 credits in summer school which for those who have never taken summer classes, that's a LOT because they're so fast paced and deadlines hit constantly. Then there's the baby, church callings, house keeping, preparing dinner, grocery shopping, scripture study, playgroups, family time, husband/wife time, me time, and the list goes on and on.
My question is, how do you find a balance? What do you do to make sure you're getting everything done that you need to? Are some things more important than others? How much does your husband help and for those that are stay at home moms, do you ever feel guilty for asking your husband to help?
7 comments:
The first thing is, I say no to things I can't do and delegate what I've agreed to do. When I was in school, I basically HAD to do this. Us moms feel like since we don't "work," we have no reason to turn down a request. But we DO work and we can't do it all. So there's no reason we can't say no or at least ask for help.
My husband is really great. He has always helped a ton. He puts the kids to bed every night and does the whole routine with them, including bathtime. He does all the dishes after dinner (since I cook it). Those two things help me SO MUCH.
I never feel guilty asking him to help because we are partners! Just because he goes to work from 9 to 5 (well, I guess right now it's 6 - 2:30) doesn't mean I've been sitting at home doing nothing all day. Being PARENTS is a full-time job. We both live in this house so we both need to take the time to clean it. We both agreed to have and raise our children so we both need to take part in that, too. I'm so glad I have a husband who understands this! I can't imagine doing everything by myself. That'd get old REALLY fast!
I agree with Jenna, Say no when you have to and don't ever feel bad for having your husband help. In fact he should be helping, he lives in the house too. Maybe he can have one or two things that just he is in charge of so you dont have to worry about it.
This summer i have also made myself a cleaning schedule. I have one or two rooms on the list everyday. That way i dont have to worry about cleaning the house all in one day, it was stressing me out to no end. I can just say thats not on the list. It has helped me keep things clean too, since everyting comes around in the rotation.
And i can honestly say there there will never be a perfect place, some things will just have to suffer and you'll have to be ok with that. Just make sure that its things that can suffer for awhile, like play group ( i doubt shasta will care very much right now) or making a nice dinner ( macaroni never hurt nobody ) until you have finished school and can pick up those things again.
Having a plan in the morning for the day and week help too. Keeps me less stressed if i know what im doing that day and week. That way i can balance things out through the week, so no everything lands on one day.
My advice is to adjust your expectations for yourself. Decide what you will allow to take your time and focus on those. You house can wait. Take-out is ok for dinner a couple times a week (or when you do cook, put extra in the freezer).
Focus on school first, work hard to feel that you have done your best. Then, when baby is awake, spend good quality time with her. Make memories and have fun together.
Forget about the house until the weekend. Then when your husband is home, have him help you for an hour or two to get as much done as you two can. You should never feel bad asking for your husband to help. You are there to help each other.
Expecting too much of yourself is so easy to do, and can make you feel horrible. This is temporary and you can get back to being super mom later. give yourself some credit for how much you are doing. Good luck!
I would make a list of priorities. Each day you have to do number one first, then go down the list. That way you get the things done that need to be done first. Sometimes it doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day, but you'll be so glad to finish school sooner, and remember that you'll get to spend even more time with baby after school is done!
Oh how would it be to have help with dishes and bed time routine...! My husband works evenings so the hardest part of the day (in my opinion) is left to me to do alone.
I don't go to very many playgroups, but when I do I feel it's more for me than for Shasta. Other than church and 1 campus class, I really have no reason to leave the house and sometimes I just need to get out and be with other people! And since getting out of the house means taking the baby with me, it's nice to be around other moms and their babies.
When you find balance let me know, I'm still searching for it. Im with you, I usually feel guilty asking my husband to help with the kids or the house when I know he's been at work all day and I've been home. But it was my bishop that helped me understand it's ok to ask for help. In fact he should be helping. His comment was, that my husband works all day and then gets to come home and relax, but when do I get to relax? I work 24 hour shifts taking care of kids. It wasn't until he pointed that out that it sank in.
Now that we have the new baby home, my husband has been really helpful doing bedtime routine, and entertaining our 19 month old while I'm attending our 2 week old.
But as far as house cleaning, I'm still at a loss.
Sometimes I feel guilty asking my husband for help cause he works full time and does school full time. Though with certain things, I ask him to do them for me. We are so busy watching kids and doing other things like dinner, cleaning, cleaning, laundry, more laundry, lunch, etc. that we need to tell them what they need to do. I ask my husband to take out the garbage and I like him to get all the laundry into the laundry room and put them away if they are clean.
As far as house cleaning, just forget it. My husband keeps asking how to keep the house clean all the time. I told him that's not possible with three kids. Yes I teach them to clean and they do, but they want to play with something new just as soon as the other things were put away.
If it makes you feel better, just start with 10 things. 10 toys you put away or 10 dishes to clean up. Then give yourself a break. It's really no use -in my house anyway- cleaning it all up cause I don't think kids are ever done.
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