Give Praise or Compliments

I'm studying Human Development in school and I thought this little reading was worth sharing. I especially found the bit about potty training interesting. I love what I'm studying because it's helping me become a better mom so I thought I'd pass along these helpful tips. Don't be surprised if you see more blurbs like this from time to time. Unless of course you don't like them. Let me know if you find them helpful or worth while!

Everyone responds to genuine praise. "When others reassure us that we are appreciated, worthwhile, liked, capable, and accomplished, our self-esteem increases. When we make mistakes however, we may feel guilty about not having lived up to our own or others' expectations. Dwelling on our mistakes can make us feel like failures; the resulting lowered self-image can foster tension and confusion and such behaviors are clumsiness, aggression, and withdrawal. Dwelling on children's accomplishments, no matter how small, and giving them recognition and approval affirms their worthiness and potential. It helps them develop serenity in their attitude toward living up to parents' expectations for them. Children who are constantly criticized begin feeling that they may as well give up trying, that they have no hope of achieving success and praise". Empty praise should be avoided, as it is not helpful. Cherry suggests the following considerations when giving praise:

• Praise should be sincere. Don't say how beautiful something is if you hate it. Rather pick our a part that you can comment on sincerely like, "those colors go well together."
• Don't be gushy with your praise. Keep it simple like, "I am proud of how well you performed your piano piece
• Keep praise meaningful by not overusing it. If praise is repeated too often it may lose its value. "Concentrate on new behavior that shows steps in growth, development, or learning".
• "Praise should not be confused with flattery. Praise should be something you give to someone; flattery is something you use to trick or coax something out of someone".
• Praising effort not necessarily innate abilities gives children encouragement for future attempts. For example, rather than saying how smarty your child is tell them how well they did sticking to a task and figuring it out.
• "Praise should be given for what children do. 'It was very helpful to me that you behaved so nicely in the market' is preferable to 'you've been my best boy today'". We often make these "best boy" comments without thinking about them. I had a friend who would tell her child, "good girl" whenever she used her potty when she was potty training. What message do you think this could send when she had accidents? Also, attributing her entire self-worth (whether she is "good" or not) to potty training cannot be helpful to her overall development of self.

Some children are hard to praise. Often parents and teachers interactions with these children are focused on the child's negative behavior and much of their time is spent in conflict. You should not resort to empty praise in these situations rather, praise and attend to positive bits of behavior. "Be sure you give praise when they do even the slightest things in a positive manner so that you can accustom them to the idea that your expectations are positive and within their reach".